Episode 178 – This Podcast Will Save Your Life

Rhett and Jason are up to now good again, but this podcast will save your life. We endeavor to provide you with a service. You know you need it when you take your life into your hands going out on the internet unprotected.

Listener Email

Chance has provided us with another well-crafted email, designed to warn you of the vagaries of life on the information superhighway. You can read the full text of the email for yourself as listening to it only provides you will the merest hint of the wit and humor behind the sender.

This Podcast Will Save Your Life

I know that I need to make notes before I put together these posts. Jason was playing Deus Ex: Human Revolution and reading Indiana Jones and the White Witch. He was also watching some John Oliver. Specifically, he was watching the whiny episode about Trump and how 2016 is the worst year ever. Bunch of babies. Rhett has been playing 7 Days to Die and watching Justified. He’s also watched The Walking Dead, but that is another discussion entirely.

Let us know what you think about the topics discussed tonight by commenting on our Twitter account, comment here on blog, or go to the forum. You can also email us at
thedistractedgamers@gmail.com and support us on Patreon.

The Distracted Gamers Ep. 178 – This Podcast Will Save Your Life

Y’all Got Anymore of them Games?!

What is up, miscreants of unparalleled unprofessionalism? I just finished watching Sausage Party with my boy (yeah, great parenting I know) and then I realized it is Monday and y’all are probably gonna squeeze another podcast through your podcasting sphincters, so I figured I’d drop a verbal deuce all over it. By the way, Sausage Party is far dumber than you would imagine, even by Seth Rogen standards. No bueno that one. I have the new Star Trek waiting me. That flick cannot help but be better than what I just watched. It was so unprofessional and unfunny that it was like the theatrical equivalent of the DGP.

Not much gaming this week aside from getting pretty into Fallout 3. Yeah…playing the series backwards! You want to hear something stupid? I mean beyond the pale stupid? I mean like a millenial’s written answer to an essay question stupid? I never got into Fallout 3 because I always wasted my ammo too quickly…BECAUSE I DID NOT KNOW YOU COULD USE THE VATS SYSTEM, LET ALONE THAT YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO!!! Turns out those tutorial sessions in games are useful after all. Before I was just firing all willy nilly. I have to say playing it the correct way makes it a totally different experience!

I got my man cave halfway set up this week. just added my OG XBOX and PS2 to the mix this morning, so now when the wife is pissed at me, I have a comfortable gaming space to which I can escape. While setting it up, I took a physical count of my stash and found out it has eclipsed the 1000 titles mark. I am starting to think I have a real issue. Even the guys at Gamestop know better than to ask me to trade now. They had a new guy try it the other day and his coworker corrected him, saying “No, I know this guy. He likes vintage, and he is NOT a trader.” It was the one time I was happy to have had my reputation precede me.

So I am going to humiliate myself for your amusement and that of the internet at large. I probably should not share this lurid tale, but it is kinda funny so I will do so all the same. The other day I set out for work, only to get about 10 miles up the highway before hitting some unexpected road work in which 2 of the 3 lanes were closed off, leaving one for all of that traffic. Now, I had not bothered to piss before leaving the house, because I knew I would get to work in short order. Well…the lane closures ended up causing traffic to come to a dead stop, and when it did move, our speeds never eclipsed 5 mph, no exaggeration. Well, I quickly began regretting the not pissing before leaving decision. Finally I devised a plan. I emptied my bottle of Tums and planned to piss into the bottle while driving…in stop and go traffic…my FIVE SPEED MANUAL Volkswagen. It seemed a reasonable plan, until it wasn’t. I ended up pissing all over myself, and ended up driving the rest of the way with a towel stuffed down my pants. Because I am a moron of the highest order. the upside was that it took so long to get to work that I was reasonably dry by the time I arrived. I told my wife this tale and she had no words. Speaking of work, our sales have been through the roof since our boss got canned. I am not saying it is her fault our sales were hurting, but…Anywho…

What have you two floaters been up to this week? I mean aside from glowering at small children, selling your body like the whore you are, and demanding ridiculous ransoms from your girlfriend, Rhett.

Hey Doc Jason, I want to ask you a question. Real talk, man to man child, I know you read like 10 books a day, game, do the show, work, and you have like 28 kids, and you are active in your church, so…ahem…WHERE THE CRAP DO YOU FIND TIME TO DO ALL OF THAT AND SLEEP?! Enquiring minds want to know. I have always been curious.

Well, I know this is short, but I figured I would at least try to make y’all chuckle by contributing something to the show, however inane that contribution might be. So, have a great show, guys. Much love.

DGN Ep. 3 – Zelda Delayed Again?!

Zelda Delayed Again?! You heard it. Zelda has been delayed yet again. What is the world coming too when we can’t get a video game on the promised release date? We need to storm the Nintendo’s website and leave a strongly worded comment about our displeasure. Then we need to go to Amazon. Find the pre-order page and down vote the new game because that will show them how mad we are. Then Nintendo will rectify the situation.

Newsdump

This week has been a better news week than we have experienced recently. Enjoy.

Video Games

This week was also much less disappointing in the realm of video games. We had more that was interesting this week than previous weeks.

Videos

The video issue still hounds us. Sometimes it works without a hitch and other times the whole thing blows up in our faces. Like with this episode.

Let us know what you think about the topics discussed tonight by commenting on our Twitter account, comment here on blog, or go to the forum. You can also email us at
thedistractedgamers@gmail.com and support us on Patreon.

The Distracted Gamers News Ep. 3 – Zelda Delayed Again?!

Episode 177 – You Won’t Believe Our Reaction

You Won’t Believe Our Reaction. We didn’t believe it ourselves that was how unbelievable it was. Though you should see it for yourselves. Don’t just take my word for it. I could be saying anything at this point, but the only way you can know for sure is to experience it yourself.

Email

We have another email from Chance. He has quite a bit to say on the topics of last time. The last time we talked about the election results. You don’t have to imagine Chance’s reaction. Read it yourself.

The Topics

Once again the hosts of the DG Podcast shoot the breeze. Though what it did to deserve that I’m too afraid to ask. I mean if they shot the breeze who knows what might set them off. Plus, their from one of those conservative gun states and I’ve heard that they are video game tolerant. If you want more information you’ll have to ask them about it yourself. I’m keeping out of it.

Videos

If you really want the videos I think you can get to them via twitch. That is if you can’t wait until the videos get fixed and uploaded to YouTube.

Let us know what you think about the topics discussed tonight by commenting on our Twitter account, comment here on blog, or go to the forum. You can also email us at
thedistractedgamers@gmail.com and support us on Patreon.

The Distracted Gamers Ep. 177 – You Won’t Believe Our Reaction

The Unprofessionals

What is up you two unprofessional podcasters? It has been an eventful week, to be sure. It’s kind of crazy that Trump was elected, don’t you think? That said, it really pisses me off to see all of these stupid rioters and protesters out in the street having a damn temper tantrum like a bunch of toddlers. I guess this is what we get when we raised a generation of kids who don’t know what it’s like to lose because they’ve been shielded from it their entire lives. I truly fear for the day when our country is run by people who got trophies just for showing up, and who truly believe that feelings and self-esteem are more important than competent government and National Security.

What disturbs me even more, is that our beloved president hasn’t even bothered to get on television or radio or something and tell these protesters to knock it off. I always find it maddening yet hilarious that liberals for whatever reason cannot seem to grasp the concept of a representative Republic, and that they consistently try to find anything and anyone to blame except for themselves and their own policies when they lose. I got into an argument online with a liberal a few days ago, and I had to point out to him the absolute hypocrisy of the left always parading around like they’re so tolerant and so loving and so inclusive, but the second their candidate loses they just want to scream and graffiti hateful messages and subvert the entire Democratic process just to get their way. Needless to say, it was of course like speaking to the proverbial brick wall.

There’s actually a petition circulating calling for the Electoral College to award the presidency to Hillary Clinton anyway, but such a move would be unprecedented in American history and I don’t see it happening.

So anyway, what have you guys been up to this week? I just finally beat Fallout 4 a few minutes ago, and I have to say that I was really underwhelmed by the ending. The game itself was such a fantastic experience, but I felt like its culmination was really really disappointing. That said, I do believe I will spend a little extra money for the DLC.

Other than that I haven’t really been doing anything too terribly geeky except for watching The Flash on the CW. I haven’t bothered watching Arrow this season at all, because frankly the show has sucked balls ever since season 2.

I have 2 questions for you guys. First, why on Earth is each episode broken down into small bite-size segments on Twitch? Secondly, why are there no audio only versions of the show available? I thought Jason had rectified that situation. The whole thing just smacks of unprofessionalism. So unprofessional.

Well, I don’t know about you guys but the in my corner of the world Christmas is in full effect. I am constantly having my senses assailed by Christmas music and the sounds of screaming children as they chase after Santa Claus in the mall in which I work. Because my wife and I just got done buying a house. I told her I am frankly too broke to be spending too lavishly on Christmas this year, and to not expect too much under the tree. She laughed and told me I had better expect the same. I seriously cannot remember the last time I ever got excited about Christmas. I suppose it would be exciting watching my kids get all riled up over their gifts, except that my son is 15 and he doesn’t really care about Christmas either, and my daughter is only a year old and frankly she’s excited by pretty much whatever you put in front of her. I wish that I could recapture some of that joy and enthusiasm for the holiday season I possessed as a child, but 20 years spent in the retail industry pretty much every last ounce of Joy from the marrow of your bones as it pertains to the Christmas season. Please forgive the odd capitalizations and random misspellings. I am doing speech to text for this email and frankly it doesn’t get it right 100% of the time. But, I am such a lazy bastard that I’m willing to endure the errors for the sake of convenience.

So I got my first traffic ticket in many many years this past week. It turns out that I had not bothered to renew my tags this year, and it took getting pulled over and ticketed for me to understand that I was four months overdue for a renewal. That really sucks. It is a $200 ticket. So yeah, Christmas is going to be skinny this year.

At any rate, I hope you guys have a spectacular yet on professional outing. Take it easy.

DGN Ep. 2 – Election – Now What?

The Election is over – Now What? That is the question that people are dying to know. We have just elected a sub-par candidate as the leader of the free world. What can we expect.

Newsdump

Here are the news stories that were chosen as interesting enough to make the cut.

Video Games

Not very many new video games this week. November has been a let down.

Videos

Still having technical difficulties with the internet and I’m still working on getting the videos up.

Let us know what you think about the topics discussed tonight by commenting on our Twitter account, comment here on blog, or go to the forum. You can also email us at
thedistractedgamers@gmail.com and support us on Patreon.

The Distracted Gamers News Ep. 2 – Election – Now What?

Episode 176 – Darkest Timeline

Darkest Timeline. What on Earth, or under it (that’s where the lizard people secretly run our government), are we talking about? I have no idea. Welcome to the DG Podcast, the most professional podcast there is.

Email

We got email this week. It was amazing. Look what happens when both Jason and Chance can keep up with the podcast. Things get done and we get email. You will get a change to read Chance’s thoughts directly.

Jason and Rhett then shoot the breeze about the topics of the day. Let me know what they are. If I put too much information here you don’t have any incentive to listen to the podcast. You think that I’m lazy? Did you not read the first paragraph? This is a professional podcast. We can’t be telling our secrets to everyone. We have to keep some of the mystery. That’s right mystery. For all you know Rhett and Jason were discussing the secrets of the Universe and how to be happy, but you won’t know unless you listen.

Videos

This is the video section and as soon as I have a video you will get to see it.

Let us know what you think about the topics discussed tonight by commenting on our Twitter account, comment here on blog, or go to the forum. You can also email us at
thedistractedgamers@gmail.com and support us on Patreon.

The Distracted Gamers Ep. 176 – Darkest Timeline

Lost Their John

Hmmmm…so you two have been left high and dry by that…other email sender, I see. I am not sure if I should take you back. The two of you are tainted now. 😉

Man, the dude sounds like, well, what Rhett described him as. If you cannot take a random guy online calling you a douche without it ruining your day, then life is gonna be a painful ride for you, buddy. If John had any idea how much abuse I have taken from Rhett, he’d be grateful he got off as lightly as he did. Like I told Rhett, if I had bailed the first time Rhett took a shot at me, I doubt I would have made it past my first 4 episodes. That said, this dude seemed so confident in his status as “someone in the entertainment biz” that it lead me to a theory. Ready for it? John is actually none other than…Uwe Boll. Yep. All the signs are there. He thinks awfully highly of himself, he is in the entertainment biz, and he does not take criticism well. All signs point to him and Boll being one in the same. Plus, Uwe has had plenty of free time to email podcasts lately now that he is done with movies. Finally his films and the DGP have something in common – neither are professionally made. At least the latter is entertaining, however.

I legit got pissed when he said Lindsay fears Rhett. I know I have never met the lumbering curmudgeon in person, but I know he is a damned good, if perpetually cranky, dude. He would never give any lady cause to fear him. I feel he owes Rhett and Lindsay an apology.

So, I have been doing some pretty heavy gaming the last couple of weeks. While I never played Fallout 3, I have to say its sequel has eaten a lot of my free time lately. Fallout 4 is sooooo good! I love it in a way reserved previously only for Skyrim, which I suppose is appropriate given its developer. I am getting a little tired of all the tedious “Defend Podunk Farm from raiders/rescue the kidnapped moron” quests though. It makes me want to slap Preston Garvey upside the head. He keeps saying the Minutemen are needed, but never sends anyone else out to handle anything.

On an unrelated note, are the two of you sworn to some weird beard pact in which only one of you can wear facial hair at any given time? Rhett’s vanished, and about the same time Jason’s showed up. Did Rhett’s beard tire of being abused then pack up and move onto the face of the good doctor?

I am glad y’all touched on Gamestop’s nationwide retro trade in. I overheard my local store’s manager glowing about it to a customer today, and the things he was telling her made me seeth. He claimed all the mom and pop shops would charge her $120 for a N64, but he could order her one for $49.95. Horseshit!!! $45- $50 is the going rate at all the shops around here. I know. I am a retro collector, and I am in all the shops regularly. He started telling her about how she could trade her old games in and blah blah blah. You know what their trade in value is for the SNES copy of Earthbound? $29. Thirty bucks for a game that regularly retails for north of $120- $150. Look, I am all for free market capitalism, but there is a difference between free trade and rape. Plus, with Gamestop, you never know the condition of the items you are buying until they reach you. You buy sight unseen with them. I will always take the mom and pop shops for retro over Gamestop any day of the week and twice on Sundays.

I am glad y’all share my view of the Nintendo Switch. Nintendo excels at handheld gaming, and their home consoles are solid enough, but having a console that allows me to take the home experience on the road with me is really a cool concept! If I could do that with my PS4, I probably would have finished Fallout 4 by now! We will see, though. I know some people are on the fence about the return to cartridges as a format, but having no moving parts will hopefully mean the Switch will be as durable as the old machines. I still wish they would release some specs for the damned thing.

Since I am terrible at segues, did you hear about the Japanese lady who was getting her cervix operated on with some surgical laser, then farted and caused a fire bad enough to burn her from the waist down? I mean, I feel terrible for her, but that is epically funny in a way. I thought Rhett might enjoy it.

Anywho, as with most of my emails, this one is being written at work, so I had best cut it short. Have a great unprofessional show, guys!

DGN Ep. 1 – You Won’t Believe It!

You won’t believe it! We are starting new chapter here at the DG Podcast. We have decided to restructure the podcast and see how it works. It might be awful, or it might be great. Let us know.

The NewsDump

This isn’t going to be too many changes, but we are going to put the news and the video games together and leave the email and personal discussions for the other part of the podcast. So,

Video Games

Videos

Let us know what you think about the topics discussed tonight by commenting on our Twitter account, comment here on blog, or go to the forum. You can also email us at
thedistractedgamers@gmail.com and support us on Patreon.

The Distracted Gamers News Ep. 1 – You Won’t Believe It